A Mom's Thoughts on Christmas

2009. What a year!

Last year at this time, we were getting ready to have our ultrasound to find out the gender of our baby! We found out on Dec. 30th that we were expecting our third son. I figured that at this Christmas season, we would have a chubby little baby sitting and playing with his toys by the Christmas tree. I figured that life would have settled into a routine by now, and that we would be past the difficult newborn days. Well, it hasn't exactly turned out that way...

Instead we are riding the reflux roller coaster! Owen is a beautiful baby (yes, I can say that about a boy!) and we are so thankful that he is healthy. But reflux makes it painful for him to eat, and it affects him at pretty much every feeding. He starts out a feeding, only to begin arching and refusing the food after just a few swallows. Consequently, he has had trouble gaining weight and is in the 3rd percentile for weight. If he continues to gain weight this slowly, our doctor will refer us to a gastroenterologist. Every day revolves around counting how many ounces he eats (or refuses!). I do realize that many parents face much more serious challenges with their children, but it has still been just plain hard. It's hard for a mom to watch her son suffer so much, and not be able to do anything about it! Then there's the time required to feed a person who doesn't want to eat! I have run the gamut of emotions from wondering how I can possibly go on another minute with feeding an arching, crying baby half an ounce at a time to kissing his beautiful cheeks and realizing that no matter how hard it is, he's my son and I love him with all my heart.

A few weeks ago, our pastor was praying and thanking God that He is "too wise to make a mistake and too loving to do anything unkind." I have not forgotten those words because I need to cling to what is true about God. He is not unkind in allowing Owen to suffer. He is not wringing his hands and wondering what to do. He IS doing what is best in this situation, but what is best for us is not necessarily what is most comfortable. I have realized that when we are wrapped up in wanting our lives to be comfortable, we are acting like this life is all there is. We are on this earth for a short time! And if our current circumstances, though painful, are drawing us closer to our Father with whom we will spend eternity with, then what loss is that?

I have been thinking a lot about Mary this Christmas. I'm sure her newborn days were hard. She gave birth in a stable after all! Then she invested years in raising Jesus which culminated in having to endure watching him be put to death. It doesn't matter whether your son is 3 months or 33 years. No mother wants to watch her child die! What a privilege to be part of God's redemptive plan, but I'm sure there were many difficult moments.

And then there's the Incarnation. God in the flesh! Owen is helpless. There's reflux and teething and childhood illnesses and many things to face as part of life on this earth. And that's only as a baby! Jesus willingly took on human flesh to not only die on our behalf, but to live a perfect life on this earth. He is our compassionate high priest who understands our weaknesses. He is able to help us because He can relate to us.

In her book Keep a Quiet Heart, Elisabeth Elliot says, "God came down and lived in this same world as a man. He showed us how to live in this world, subject to its vicissitudes and necessities that we might be changed - not into an angel or a storybook princess, not wafted into another world, but changed into saints in this world. The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances."

It is my hope that Owen will recover fully from the reflux in 2010. But whether he does or not, the more important issue is that we fix our eyes on Christ and find Him to be more than sufficient for every storm.