So long everyone, I'm...

...off to the funny farm! My children have driven me over the edge into insanity...

Poor Gresham has had a fever/cold this week, and irrationality seems to be one of the symptoms. Let me start at the beginning...

We desperately needed to get out of the house, so this afternoon we went down to the mall to see Jordan at his store and run a few errands. We left mid-afternoon after Gresham woke up screaming from a very short nap. He likes to go out and ride in the stroller, so I figured that this was a good move. I had in mind a relaxing afternoon. The boys had in mind a plot to drive mommy crazy.

The mall was a delightful experience. Gresham's tactic was to whine and wiggle. We tried on shoes. He ran around the shoe department, which led Aidan to run around the shoe department. With no socks or shoes on. Then, when I put Gresham back in the stroller, he screamed like his life was ending.

Aidan did his part with non-stop negotiating.

Aidan: So did you decide if we could go to Toys R Us?
Mom: No, I haven't thought about it yet.
Aidan: Well, when are you going to think about it?
Mom: I don't know, it's awfully hard to think with you two...
Aidan: You should have just thought about it in the car on the way here.
Mom: Ok, there's my decision. We're not going.

Then we went to Babies R Us to look at strollers. I'm looking for one that is lightweight, but it has to have cupholders. I recently sold one on craigslist that I'm trying to replace. I took one stroller down from the shelf to check it out, but when I tried to put it back, I couldn't, because Aidan was on the shelf instead. I guess it looked like a nice place to drive his cars.

I tried to think about strollers, but it's hard with Aidan's non-stop chattering.
"Look Mom, they have baby spoons. Buy them. They're 3 dollars. (like he knows!!!) Oh, get this stroller. Look at the wheels on that one. Buy that one. Why not?"

So we left Babies R Us with no stroller and a few less brain cells. The plan was to go out for dinner, but I knew Gresham wouldn't eat much, and Aidan just wanted peanut butter and jelly, so we went home. Unfortunately, we had just enough bread for Aidan and Gresham, and I was really wishing for the sandwich at Panera I was going to get.

When we got home, Gresham started crying in full force. I gave him toast with peanut butter. He screamed and refused to eat it. He pointed to something in the distance and wanted that. I gave him half a banana. He ate a few bites and started pointing to something and whining again. I offered him a yogurt (Side note: I don't normally do this, but he has hardly eaten anything since Wednesday). He got all excited about the yogurt. I opened it. I stirred it. I handed him the yogurt and the spoon. He screamed and cried and turned red in the face. I took the yogurt back and offered it to Aidan. Then Gresham screamed in protest and desperately wanted that yogurt. Aidan ate three bites and decided he didn't want it because it had too much cinnamon (it was strawberry banana). We ended the meal with each of them having a Chips Ahoy cookie. At this point, I started counting down the minutes to bed time. At least we won't have to do a bath, I thought. At that very moment, Gresham wiped his cookie covered hand all through his hair.
So much for that thought...

Now they are in bed, and I'm packing for the funny farm. I'll come back for their highschool graduations. Maybe by then they can wipe their own cookie fingers.